You Get A Wig! You Get A Wig!

March 4, 2019 supriyasurenderLeave a comment

Diamonds may be a girls best friend, but wig salons are mine. I took a little trip over to Littleton, Colorado to visit my dear friend Hana at Hana Designs. Her salon is so wonderful. You walk in and it feels like a trendy, but oh so cozy home. The salon is filled with unique furniture, jewelry, makeup, and wigs galore!! This trip was extra special because my boyfriend came with me. You heard that right. I’ve found a sweet soul that is sweet enough to be my partner in crime at a wig salon. My baldie heart couldn’t be more full! *swoon*

I went to the salon to have a gloss treatment done on my Shuly wig. I like to do this a couple times a year. Living in Denver means I live in a very cracked skin, ashy elbow dry climate. Great for eliminating frizzy poofs, but can also make a human hair wig oh so dry. Getting these treatments will help extend the life of your wig and keep it looking so fresh and so clean clean. Hana recommends deep conditioning for newer wigs and gloss treatments for wigs that are close to or crossing the 1 year threshold.

The best part about all of this is getting to try on all of the synthetic wigs while I’m waiting. Blonde, pixie, red head, grandma and everything in between. You name it, I tried it on this fun day!

What do you think? Can you guess which one was the winner?

Shout Out To My Scary Face

February 24, 2019 supriyasurender1 Comment

This one is a shout out to what I kindly refer to as my “scary face”. The one that I’ve been most scared to share with anyone let alone the world. The one that felt unrecognizable even to me. The one that’s cried endless tears, felt endless guilt, and felt completely alone.

I’ve apologized for this face when others have had to see it. I’ve looked at this face in complete disgust. Who is this? Where did I go? When will I come back? I’ve been angry at this face for being a part of me.

This is a shout out to this face that didn’t give up on me. That held out hope when hope felt impossible. That just kept swimming when I was drowning. That slowly but surely became a part of me. That is a part of my story that I’m choosing to no longer hide. That is a part of my story that I am (dare I say) proud of.

This is a shout out to my “scary face”.

A Quest For Wigs

February 17, 2019 supriyasurenderLeave a comment

Finding the perfect wig can feel like a quest. I felt completely overwhelmed when I tried to figure out where to start. I was debating between using an online wig store, finding something on eBay, or going to an actual wig shop. After much debate, I decided I wanted to try before I buy. My first stop was a local wig Botik. I had two very different experiences here. The first was when I had some hair left and wanted to purchase a human hair topper. I walked into a small store FILLED with wigs of all styles and colors. I talked to a sales associate and explained my situation. She sat me down in a chair and placed the first option on my head. It was pretty, but on my head, it was heavy, thick, and didn’t feel like me. I asked her the price and almost fell over when she told me it was over $1000. I awkwardly asked her if she had anything under a grand. Up until this point, I had no clue that human hair wigs could be so pricey. I was in for a rude awakening LOL. My fellow alopecians know! The next piece she put on me felt perfect. It looked like my old hair, and that was all I wanted. To feel more like me. My second experience at Kim’s was not as good. It was a month after my first visit, and I had made a decision to shave the last of my hair and purchase a full wig. The sales associate sat me in a chair in the back of the store. I explained to her that I wanted a Follea gripper wig. I had done my research online and this seemed like the perfect fit. It had a silicone cap that “gripped” to a persons head. This meant no need for tape or glue and I was all about that life. She aggressively (and painfully) unclipped my topper taking many remaining hairs with it, and roughly plopped a Follea on my head. It felt a bit big and heavy, and the color was all wrong. I asked her if she was sure it was a gripper. She said yes and decided to yank the hair to prove to me it gripped. Ironically it slid back when she did. Probably because the cap was too big for me. I explained to her that the color was wrong. Rather than empathizing, or finding me a better solution, she told me that it would be fun to mix things up. She was extremely pushy and wanted me to buy something that was too big and the wrong color. Girl BYE. I told her I wanted to take some time to think about it and she immediately became very obviously irritated with me. It became clear that she was more concerned with making the sale than actually helping me. I left the store disappointed and unsure what to do next. It is kinda shitty when someone is trying to take advantage of your struggle to make themselves a quick buck. I left the store disappointed and unsure what to do next.

I got to work that Monday and did some intense google searching. I found a salon called Hana Designs. Hana was a breast cancer survivor and had experienced hair loss herself from chemo. Her ratings were good and I decided to give it a shot. When I walked into the salon, my experience was completely different. It was an Aveda salon that was so cute and cozy. My friends Amelia and Riley were by my side to help me choose the perfect piece. Hana was so warm and welcoming and immediately made me feel at ease. Right away she took the time to understand my needs. After trying on many beautiful options, we decided Follea was definitely the way to go. My wig was purchased and my friends and I collectively named her The Duchess.

About a year into rocking The Duchess, I started chatting with someone named Hannah in a Facebook group for women win hair loss. She had the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen, and I was shocked to learn that it was a wig! Hannah owned a salon in Florida that specialized in hair loss needs. She FaceTimed me and we instantly became friends. She was so easy to connect with and she shared her journey with trichotellomania with me. I knew right away that I wanted to order hair like hers from her. Enter my Yaffa. I flew all the way to Sarasota to pick this beauty up. I named my Yaffa her Princess Jasmine. She was long, luxurious, and stunning. Yaffa sewed in silicone panels which meant I could continue living my no tape/no glue life.

A year later, I had hit my insurance out of pocket max. I decided to get another wig because I thought it would be fully covered by insurance. I called up Hannah and she started looking for the perfect piece for me. This time she recommended a wig by Shuly. I had the utmost trust in Hannah and told her to order it. She shipped it to me and I was completely blown away. It was soooo beautiful. The coloring was amazing and the hair quality was unbelievable. I named her Lydia. Unfortunately my insurance did not cover the full cost of the wig. Either way, it was still so worth it to find my Shuly.

What’s next? If I had Kylie Jenner money, I’d be buying wigs left and right! Maybe that day will come, but for now I will just day dream about my next piece. I have my eye on the Shuly Fashionista because I really want something that is pretty naturally stick straight. Who knows though. I have a feeling that my wig quest will last as long as my body keeps me bald. I’m sure there will be many more fun and beautiful pieces to come!

My Treatment Journey

February 11, 2019 supriyasurenderLeave a comment

There are certain alopecia memories that are engrained in my brain. It had been a couple weeks of my hair falling out by the handful. I was denying that this was alopecia and believing it had to be something else that could be cured with a pill. I was realizing my arm hair had disappeared and finally admitting that yes this probably was my alopecia taking a terrible turn for the worse. I sat in my work cafeteria early one morning crying to my dermatologist’s nurse. I was in a panic and didn’t know what the hell was happening or how to stop it. Dr. Norris specializes in hair loss and he is not easy to schedule with. Typically, his appointments are booked a month + in advance, but I was frantic and she knew it. Somehow, I got insanely lucky and there was a cancellation this very week to fit me in. I got to the office a Thursday morning before work. I was wearing a tan and green striped sweater from Kohls. My stomach had 1 million knots in it. Although my hair was falling fast, it also had a weird buzz cut type feel to it underneath. It made me wonder if my hair could also be growing back? Please God, say it is growing back. The resident walked in, and I explained what was going on. I couldn’t finish my sentences without tears escaping. The resident looked at my hair and noticed the fuzz also. It was his theory that my hair was also growing back. He suggested I DO NOTHING and just let it run its course. LMFAO. I was in shock. How could he say DO NOTHING? He has no suggestions? No treatment plan? No nothing????? I needed Dr. Norris to come in ASAP. I wanted this resident gone from the room. I hated him. Dr. Norris came in and confirmed my worst suspicions. I was having a massive alopecia flare up. The fuzz I was feeling on my head was not regrowth, it was actually my hair breaking off, and I could expect that fuzz to possibly fall to. We were going to take action and start a treatment plan to get my immune system to calm the fuck down. Steroid injections (which had worked in the past) were no longer an option. With this level of loss, it would be insane to inject my head a billion times, and too many could cause my skin to thin out. There were no cures for alopecia, but there were experimental treatments. That is what we decided to do. He prescribed me prednisone and methrotrexate. I left the office scared, frustrated, tear soaked and alone. My treatment journey was starting.

165 — When alopecia makes you look like Skrillex.

I was so desperate for my hair to grow back that I was willing to blindly pump any amount of chemical into my body to make it stop. Methotrexate is a type of chemotherapy when taken in high doses. My dosage was low and was not considered chemo. When combined with folic acid, it had some success with alopecia sufferers. I took this medication weekly. Once every Friday. I chose Friday because one of the side effects is that it can cause extreme fatigue for the 24 hours after taking it. That it did. It kicked my ass. However, the fatigue didn’t end for me after 24 hours. It carried on through the week. I felt tired and I felt weak all the time. I was an endurance runner who was used to running half marathons like it was nothing. Now I was struggling to even run 2 miles without stopping. I cared, but I didn’t care. I just wanted my hair back and wanted to push through until I got it.
You may have heard me refer to prednisone as the devil drug in an earlier blog. I stand by that notion. We started the pred at a higher dose to quickly stop the inflammation in my body and slow down the loss. At first it somewhat worked. I was tapered off and immediately the rapid loss started again. Back on pred I went. Everyday popping this devil drug that made me hungry, made me moody, made me hate everyone and everything, made me bloated, made me gain weight. The side effects were endless.
9 months into taking pred, I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt too unstable and all of the hair on my head was gone anyways. I talked to Dr. Norris and we agreed that we should go a new route. Goodbye prednisone, hello Vytorin. Vytorin is a cholesterol drug, but there are studies with alopecia patients who have experienced regrowth while taking it. The thing I learned about my body during this process is that I am extremely sensitive to medications. If there are side effects, I will likely experience them. My misery continued. The exhaustion I felt by taking methotrexate each week seemed to only increase with the Vytorin. I did not feel good ever. I felt weak, I had migraines almost everyday, I was mentally drained, and my hair was not growing back. I continued on this path for another 8ish months. At this point, the only hair I had left was my eyelashes. I finally decided it was no longer worth it.
At my final appointment with Dr. Norris I explained how I felt. He completely understood. He explained that each person’s body responds so differently to treatment. His previous patient had seen significant regrowth taking the prednisone/methotrexate combo with no side effects, and I saw no regrowth with all of the side effects. I cried in his hair clinic one final time before heading home to throw in the towel.
I will always be thankful for Dr. Norris. He never judged, he never pressured me, he was always understanding. He always took all the time in the world to answer my 85 million questions, and he wanted my regrowth as badly as I did.
After that experience, I’ve made a decision that I will never pop a pill again to get my hair back. I have no judgement against others who do, but it is not the right option for me. Its not worth it to fill my body with chemicals just for hair. I don’t want to live with awful side effects for the rest of my life. I don’t want to risk an even more serious health problem by taking these medications long term. So, I’ve just decided to embrace this little bald body, rock the shit out of my wigs, and just keep on keeping on with this crazy ass disease.

Go Shorty…Its my Birthday!

February 5, 2019 supriyasurenderLeave a comment

You guys…it’s happened. I’m officially closer to 40 than I am 30. I suppose technically that happened when I was 35 and 1 day, but from my brain’s perspective it didn’t happen until yesterday. Dun dun dunnnn. If 36-40 is anything like this bday weekend, then I have nothing to be afraid of. *says this while knocking on wood*…*okay it is fake wood..Target night stands for the win* I spent Saturday turning up with 30 something of my favorite humans. We went to Howl at the Moon and danced our little booties off!! If you’ve never been to howl, it’s a dueling piano bar that has a club/dance partayyy feel. 10/10 recommend if you like to drop it like its hot and take jell-o shot out of syringes. 0/10 recommend for food. We ordered cheesy tots that tasted like frozen tots that were microwaved for 37 seconds and served with luke warm nacho cheese. Which is fine because who gives a shit when you can distract yourself by dancing to pianos playing Cardi B?!

These last few months I’ve tried to focus more on things I’m grateful for. I truly believe you can change your life if you shift your focus from bitching about the bad to being thankful for the good. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not Susie sunshine and rainbows 24/7 365, but I’m doing may best to push out negativity from my life as best I can. That is why I’m choosing 5 things about ALOPECIA that I am grateful for. I will always think this disease is a douche canoe asshole, BUT today is my quest for the silver lining!

1. Faster than the speed of light…she is ready! – I can leave the gym sweaty as hell, and look fresh faced and ready to go in 30 min. I can do it in under 30 min if I just wipe the sweat of my dome and throw on a wig. When I had hair, there was literally no way to accomplish this without looking like a ratchet mess. Win!
2. Aint nobody got time for shaving – Not having to shave is the biggest blessing of all time. I don’t have to worry that I will have stubble 30 seconds after getting goosebumps. I don’t have to consider getting a blood transfusion after slicing open my leg in the shower. I don’t have to start saving for laser hair treatment. I don’t have to spend stupid amounts of money on razors each one. Badabing! Win!
3. Maybe she was born with it…maybe its Maybelline – Before alopecia, my makeup skillz were mediocre at best. I’m by no means Ash Holm or anything now, but I’ve learned a smidge more about how this makeup shiz works. I’m no longer deathly afraid of fake lashes or red lipstick. Heck by the end of this year I may even learn how to contour my face!! Either way I’m having so much fun with it. Sooooo…WIN!
4. I got friends in low places – I have made some of the BEST baldie friends on the planet through this disease. Literally humans I have never once met, but are my ride or dies. I am forever grateful for the people alopecia has brought into my world. Without them, I probably would have never made it to this place of healing. Win!
5. My cupeth fulleth – This blog has brought so much damn fulfillment into my life. It’s given me a sense of purpose and a drive to do more and do better. It is a feeling that I always knew was missing, but never knew how to attain. As a friend once said to me, “When you go through something traumatic, first you grieve, and then you determine what you can take from it to serve yourself and serve others”. I think I’m finally figuring it out. Win!

I know this list is silly, and if you’re experiencing hair loss, there is a chance you are scoffing at the thought of a silver lining. If you had told me 3 years ago there would be a silver lining, I would have probably kicked you in the shin. Now, I am holding onto hope that you will find it glimmer of hope. Last year I witnessed a lot of hard things happen to a lot of good friends. It has shaken me to my core. I realize more than ever that life is TOO DAMN SHORT to be ungrateful. I’m going to continue working on being grateful and maybe you will too, or maybe you will tell me to go suck a bag of Ds. Either way lets go live our best lives boos!

Get Me Off This Ride

January 27, 2019 supriyasurenderLeave a comment

Hello my little boo thangs. On Friday I was chatting with my friend Zigs about this blog. Zigs has been one of my biggest blog supporters from the jump. She mentioned how crazy it was that she didn’t know anything about alopecia until we became friends. It is kinda wild that something that impacts my life so deeply is also something a lot of people haven’t even heard of. Somehow, I did know about alopecia long before I was diagnosed with it. I’m not sure how exactly. If I had to guess, I’d say it was from a Seventeen or YM magazine article (you know you grew up in the 90s if you know what YM is), or maybe an episode of Oprah? You get a wig! You get a wig! Who knows, but I’m glad I get to be part of the movement to spread awareness now.

Today’s post should be shortish and sweet. I want to take you back to Fall of 2016. Temps were dropping, leaves were turning, and my hair was growing back. Say whaaaaat? You heard me right. My hair was back bitch (insert Britney Spears giphy here). I don’t know if the rest of the bald population experiences this, but when I’m not wearing my wig, I’m rubbing my head allllll the time. It has become a nervous habit of sorts. I was so used to feeling nothing but skin that I was in shock the day I thought I felt a thin layer of peach fuzz. I grabbed my iphone and positioned myself in front of a mirror to snap a pic. Which is shockingly harder than one would think. I zoomed in and sure as shit there it was…REGROWTH! Up until this point, I assumed regrowth was an urban legend in the alopecia universalis world. Sure I had heard stories of people going into spontaneous remission and growing their hair back. Was it possible that I was about to become one of those people who got to tell the same tale? Each day I would take a new picture and each day there was MORE HAIR! I started to refer to it as my hair Yamaka because it bore a little resemblance to one. I was so scared that one wrong move would cause it all to fall out again. At the same time, I started to get excited. I imagined it growing long enough to get extensions, and never having to wear a wig again. I even had my hair extension specialist picked out. I followed her posts on Instagram excited for the day that I could make my appointment.

That year I went back to Ohio for Christmas and New Year. When I got back to Denver, it took approximately one week for all of my regrowth to fall out. One freakin week… Once again I felt betrayed by my body. It felt like such a cruel joke. I was so excited for 3ish months, and in one week it was all ripped away from me again. I don’t know if something happened during that Ohio trip that caused my body to freak the fuck out again, or if it was just completely random. I will never know.

First week after Christmas/NYE break 😦 January 2017

That experience taught me that I do not want my hair to grow back unless there is a 1000000000% chance it will never fall out again. I’d rather be bald for the rest of my life than get my hopes up only to have them bashed all over again. The roller coaster of emotions that comes along with growth/loss is one that I’d prefer not to ride. My emotions take me on enough roller coaster rides that I think I’m set for a lifetime.

To Shave Or Not To Shave? That Is The Question…

January 21, 2019 supriyasurenderLeave a comment

What up baldie boo crew! Its been a week of fighting off the bronchitis for this girl! I swear everybody and their brother is sick in my office. Nothing like the sounds of hacking coughs and flem to kick off a work week. Ick! Thanks to the magic of some meds, an inhaler, and a netti pot, I seem to be on the mend. So much so that I was able to spend two hours navigating the jungle that is IKEA yesterday, and made it to a basketball game to watch my CAVS get sadly demolished by the Nugs. Womp womp. I’m just happy I’m not a feeble Franny snot fest anymore, so I can’t complain.

For this week’s blog, I thought I’d address something many alopecians face…to shave or not to shave? That is the question. This is a really tough one, and one that I definitely struggled with. Looking back, I’d say I waited wayyyy too long to shave my head. When my hair was falling out, I could not fathom losing it all. In my head, I was going to grow it back. The pills the derm had me popping were gonna work. The homeopathic shampoo bar and oils were going to work. My paleo diet was going to work. Meditating was going to work. I was convinced something was going to freaking work. It was not an option for me to shave, because my hair was going to grow back!!! Shaving it meant I was accepting it, and I was so far from that. I wasn’t about to succumb to a razor and become a bald woman. No way Jose. Turns out when my body hears “no way Jose” it just laughs while doing whatever the hell it wants. Who knew?!

The thing about holding onto those last few strands, is that it amplified my alopecia emotionally. There was so much pain that came with physically feeling my hair fall out every single second of every single day. Even when I was sleeping! My poor cat Jasper (shout out Twilight) used to love jumping on my pillow and sleeping near my head. As a crazy cat lady, I obviously loved every second of it until alopecia struck. During this period, I HATED it. I would wake up multiple times throughout the night in a panic that more and more hair was being ripped out each time he jumped up on my pillow for cuddles. Way to ruin cat cuddles alopecia. As if you weren’t already rude enough!

While I wasn’t “sick”, I looked sick. It looked like I was battling far more than my autoimmune system being an asshole. One day I was facetiming with my mom crying as usual. Crying seems to be a common theme for my alopecia journey. My mom suggested shaving my head. She said it might make me feel better, and she ended up being right. Yes mom, you read that correctly, I said you were right. This ONE time you were right. 😉 I did cry my eyes out (staying on brand) while getting my head shaved, but afterwards it felt better not having to physically feel the loss anymore. It was a new normal, but the constant dread that came along with washing my hair, taking off my topper (my hair would get stuck in the clips and rip out), feeling pieces fall on me at work, waking up and seeing how much less hair I had than the day/week/month before was finally gone. That dread caused me massive amounts of anxiety, and it was freeing not to feel it anymore. I suppose its sorta like breaking up with a shitty boyfriend. You know the type. The one you will bend over backwards for to keep, even though they treat poop better than you. Even so, when you break up you think your world is ending, but what really happens is that you have your come to Jesus moment and realize life is so much better being free of that pain……in the ass douche canoe. We’ve all been there LOL.

2015 vs 2019 — Then vs Now. Thank you better lighting, makeup, and false lashes for the glow up.

What should you do? Shoot this is a hard one to give advice on because alopecia is soooo different for every single person. There is no guarantee that your body will act like mine, and there is no guarantee your body won’t act like mine. What I can tell you, is that you should seriously consider the impact on your emotional health. If you’ve lost a crap ton of hair, is it going to benefit you emotionally to keep hanging on, or would it be better to just shave it, get wiggy with it, and wait and see what happens after? I’ve yet to meet a single alopecian who regretted shaving the last pieces off. Talk to your friends, talk to your family, or even talk to me! Get yourself a solid support system that will have your back no matter what your decision ends up being. Always listen to your gut, and know there is a whole baldie boo community out there who will have your back! We got you boo! We got you!

The One Where She CrossFit Bald

January 14, 2019January 14, 2019 supriyasurenderLeave a comment

I feel like the first few blogs have been in my feelings intense! I want this one to be a little more fun, and talk about something near and dear to my heart. Which is working on my fitness. My interest in working out started in college. Let’s face it, years of beer, taco bell, eurogyro (shout out to my fellow Kent Staters), and growing out of my teenage metabolism did not do a body good on this girl’s 5’ 2” frame. I decided to do something about it. You could say I became a little too obsessive with losing weight for a time, but again I said I’m keeping this blog out of my feels so that is a story for another day. After graduating college, I started working at a call center. On my first day of training, our trainer Lisa mentioned that most people gain 15 lbs after starting work at the call center. The combination of sitting taking phone calls and abundant snacks was a recipe for weight gain. I heard that and thought, “oh hellllllllll no.” That’s when I really kicked my workouts and healthy eating habits into gear. I’ve dabbled in a little bit of everything. The Firm & P90X were my intro into weight lifting, and started my love for lifting heavy shit. Yes, I used to be a beachbody coach, no I am not now, no I don’t want to be one again, no I don’t want shakeology, no shakeology can’t grow my hair back…have all the MLMers left the building? Jk jk…I appreciate your hustle my MLM ladies. I seriously do. It takes a lot to put yourself out there like that, so I say go after that best life!

Okay wow I am all over the place on this one. Anywho, I’ve dabbled in a little bit of everything. Home workouts, spin class, crossfit, bootcamp, distance running, yoga, pilates, etc etc. The love for fitness is so real. I was an avid crossfitter when I started losing my hair which was challenging. First of all, it was hard to focus on a workout when my hair was falling all over me the entire time. Second, when I finally shaved my head, I knew I didn’t want to wear my fancy new wig to the gym. It was hot AF and I didn’t want it to get sweaty and gross. A hat just sorta got in my way, so I decided to give bald workouts a shot so I could continue chugging crossfit koolaid. The bonus was that my crossfit was filled with good friends and kind hearts. It was still tough though. The first time I came to the gym bald, I just sat in my car and panicked for a bit. A part of me just wanted to drive home and curl up into a ball instead. However, I pushed through and was met with a bounty of hugs and love. I only got asked if I had cancer twice. Not bad. The negative was that my head sweats like Blake from the Bachelor attempting to propose to Becca (sorry for my non-bachelor fans who do not understand that reference). It was gross and I hated it. I hated sweat dripping into my eye, I hated seeing sweat beads on my skull. Not. A. Fan. Also, if you’ve ever crossfitted you know that crazy cult of loons (you know I love you all) loves them some pictures. Every workout, I spent anxious time looking for cameras and dodging them. I was not ready for my bald head to be on a social media feed. All this to say, I quickly learned that working out bald meant I spent my entire workout focused on my alopecia instead of actually focusing on my workout. Thank u, next.

If you don’t know what Crossfit WOD 16.5 is, consider yourself hashtag blessed.

I quit crossfit for many reasons…one of them being exhausted by thinking about my scalp. Head and shoulders commercials don’t think about scalps as much as I do. Next up, I decided to focus on running with a hat on and lifting at home. Here is the thing, even with a hat on I still felt like people were starting and wondering who this bald girl was running by. Also, my freeze baby head would get so damn cold!! Finally, I decided to take my talents to the apartment complex gym. At this point I purchased a under the hat wig from hip hats with hair. Its like a wig, but the cap is cloth with no hair. The goal is to prevent your scalp from roasting to 1000000 degrees while wearing fake fair. In theory this was an okay option. The piece was designed to be worn as a pony tail, but I felt it looked very unnatural as a pony. Instead I wore it as a side braid, but you could see the pink cloth through the hat hole. Not ideal. A good option, but not the right fit for me. Then I had my Goldilocks moment and found the solution that was juuuuust right. I had purchased a less expensive synthetic wig to wear to the pool I decided to try that at the gym Ding ding ding we had a winner!! I still prefer a side pony over an actual pony though. I think this looks most natural on me. Now my love for the gym is back, and my workouts are strictly me focusing on being as bad ass as possible. No thoughts are given to my head situation. Can I get a Hallelujah?!

I’m sure you may have a few questions, so here is my attempt at being Miss Cleo and predicting what you may ask.

Does it get hot?
Ish depending on my wig. The synthetic I wear now doesn’t get so hot that I feel like I’m going to pass out if I don’t dunk my head in an ice bath. It does get hotter than natural hair, but its been so long since I’ve had natural hair that I don’t even remember what that feels like.

Are you saying I shouldn’t workout bald?
Heck no man! I say do what YOUR Goldilocks moment tells you to do. If you feel your best working out bald, then yes boo go rock that shit!!

What about scarves?
Scarves just aren’t my cup of tea, but I know a ton of alopecian babes who love to workout in theirs. 10/10 would recommend if that is what makes you happy.

Have you ever had any wig malfunctions while working out?
Thankfully no! I secure that hat on so tight it requires the jaws of life to remove. I have had an eyebrow makeup malfunction. Let’s just say I tried a new eyebrow product, got off the ellipctial and realized my eyebrows had created rivers of makeup all over my face. Luckily my gym is filled with creepers so I considered it creeper deterrent. Lemonade. Out. Of. Lemons. Baby.

Have you ever run a race with a wig?
YES! My hip hats with hair wig is what I was wearing when I PRd my half marathon with a sub 2 time!! This race was crazy AF because it bounced between rain, snow, sleet, and hail the ENTIRE time. But the wig held up like a boss bitch.

Rite Aid Marathon — Finally running 13.1 in under 2 hours…wig and all!

If you have any other questions, please feel free to reach out! I’m not an expert on navigating this alopecia life, but I’m happy to talk to you about what has worked for me. That’s all for now! Lots of love to you my boos!

Brows on Fleek

January 6, 2019 supriyasurenderLeave a comment

Happy New Year friends!! Resolutions aren’t really my jam, but I love me a New Year! I enjoy the perception of a fresh start and the feeling of putting the past year behind me. This year is a little different because I actually really loved 2018. This is the first time in a long time that I’m not eager to complete one year and start over. I’m hoping 2019 will step up and say, “Oh you think 2018 was good? You ain’t seen nothin yet sista friend!” Fingers, toes, and eyes crossed!

Today I want to talk a little bit about transition from alopecia areata (hair loss in small patches on my scalp) to alopecia universalis (full body hair attack leaving me with the same amount of hair as your local beluga whale). I lost my scalp hair and arm hair around the same time. The rest of my hair remained. Still had to shave my legs, still had to thread my brows and wax off my mustache. I really wanted things to stay that way. I told myself that I could handle losing my scalp hair, but if I lost my eyebrows or eyelashes, I would not be able to handle it. For about a year my body granted my wish and life was as dandy as it can be for a bald, single, 30 something gal. Then in the spring of 2016, my immune system decided to flip me the bird and started to attack my eyebrows. I was SUCH a mess during this time frame. I’ve spent the greater part of my adult life focusing on health and nutrition. I work out 6 days a week and I eat healthy most of the time. I do this so I can have control of what I look like. Alopecia ripped that control away from me. There was literally nothing I could do to stop my body from waging this war. Let me tell you, I tried EVERYTHING the internet offered up as a suggestion. Apple cider vinegar shots, experimental medical treatments, writing in a gratitude journal, eating paleo, eliminating gluten, black caster oil, essential oil potions, the list goes on and on. It became crystal clear that my immune system had full control and I had 0. This was infuriating, and I felt like the universe was punishing me for no reason. I was pity partying like it was 1999 day in and day out.

Losing eyebrows was a whole new ball game. You never realize just how much your eyebrows impact your appearance until they are gone. I would look in the mirror and bawl because I didn’t even recognize the person looking back at me. I was SO angry at my body, so angry at the world, and if I’m being honest, I was so angry at God as well. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I would beg God to make it stop and tell him that it wasn’t making me stronger, that it was making me want to stop living. Again disclaimer, I realize now looking back that alopecia is not a reason to stop living. However, at that time the culmination of years of emotionally painful events was overwhelming and alopecia felt like the straw that was breaking this camel’s back.

Many tears were spilled over losing my brows.

I finally made the decision to get my brows microbladed. My BFF Tiffany recommended her friend Lea to me. Lea is my eyebrow angel. I was so scared when I met her for our initial consultation. I mean I was about to let someone tattoo my face. I could leave looking fabulous, or I could leave looking like Maleficent. I realllly didn’t want to look like an Indian Maleficent. The second I met Lea, all of those worries faded away. 1. Lea is stunningly beautiful. I knew if she could make my brows 1/18 as nice as hers, I would be okay. 2. She has the most amazing positive energy. She loved my bald head and spoke about my features in such an uplifting away that I actually felt pretty when I was around her. 3. She was an absolute saint when it came to my crazy ass body. Fun fact, if you have alopecia there is also a chance your body will reject the microblading ink. It doesn’t happen to everyone, and its not typical. Of course, it happened to me. A few days into the healing process the majority of the hair strokes were gone, and I was completely devastated. It was like losing my natural brows all over again. Lea however, was not going to let me throw in the towel. She insisted I would have brows, and did not have a speck of doubt that I would. I can’t remember exactly how many times I went back to see her, but she was totally right. Girlfriend gave me brows again! It gave me back a sense or normalcy. When I took my makeup off at the end of the day, I no longer felt like an alien version of myself. I no longer felt like the person looking back at me in the mirror was a total stranger. I felt like I received a tiny piece of me back. Thank you, Lea, I will forever be so unbelievably grateful for you and your kind, sweet, positive soul. For my readers, if any of you are in Denver and are considering getting your brows did, you need to go check her out at The Brow Bar & Co. No this is not an ad, just a friend guiding you to my eyebrow angel who will 100% make sure your eyebrows are on fleek.

I lost my lashes in 2017, and while I was annoyed by it, it wasn’t crushing. At that point I had to just throw my hands up in the air and laugh. I’ve always worn top lid liner, so it was not noticeable to anyone unless they were inches away from my face. If you’re inches away from my face, there’s a bigger problem than me not having lashes LOL. Somewhere in 2017 I lost the rest of my body hair including my nose hair. To be honest, I love the fact that I don’t have to shave my legs. I love the fact that my arms no longer look like I am part Woolly Mammoth. It does create a new normal though. For instance, you forget that brows, lashes, and nose hair actually serve a purpose. I cannot tell you how much crud would make its way into my eyeballs. For someone with no hair, I seemingly always had cat hair in my eye. I quickly learned the importance of nose hair the first time I cried without nose hair. It was as if someone had turned on a snot fountain. I was simply not prepared for that. In 2018 I got my lashes and some of my nose hair back. Needless to say, this has made allergy season far more bearable.

Welp, that’s all I’ve got for today my loves. I hope you are all having an amazing start to the New Year!!! I wish everyone a year filled with abundant blessings –lots of love, happiness, money, joy, and relationships. Talk to you next week boos!

2018 Year In Review

December 29, 2018December 29, 2018 supriyasurenderLeave a comment

The holidays are a weird time for me. I’m not sure exactly why, but there is something about the time frame between Thanksgiving and Valentines Day that always spikes my depression and anxiety. Even this year when everything has been on the up and up. Here I am, in my head in a funk. Do I have a reason to feel this way? Nope, sure don’t. But that’s the thing about depression, it never really chooses a reasonable time to show up. Sometimes it just wants to make an appearance as a quick reminder that it can hide, but it can also come back anytime it wants. Rude AF. I think the obvious reason here is that I’m 35 and spending yet another holiday alone. Which in theory is fine because I’m totally okay with being single. In fact, if memory serves me correctly, every year that I have been in a relationship during the holidays, it’s never been Hallmark movie worthy. If anything, its been the exact opposite and included me feeling more alone in the relationship than I feel now as a single lady (insert Beyonce hand motion here). Maybe that’s it. That the holidays remind me that I’ve never had a holiday with a man friend who has truly made me feel loved or special. Instead its usually me, scrolling through social media and talking to my friends while being envious (maybe a smidge jealy) of the man friends they have who make them feel like princesses. Luckily as history goes, this feeling will start to fade away after my birthday and will make its final exit after Valentine’s day. I guess you can say, I’m so ready for February! Denver February means that pool weather is just a hop, skip, and jump away (why does saying that make me feel like an elementary teacher?) Just gotta tough it out until my bald butt is laying pool side making this tan skin even tanner (now its your turn to be jealy 😊) I’m sooo ready for it!
For this week’s post, I thought I’d do a 2018 year in review and share some of my most favorite memories of this past year. Hope you enjoy and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

1. I turned THIRTY FIVE! The scary age that happened after I passed my original scary age of 30. I celebrated with not one but two boozy brunches, and realized that brunch is my new most favorite meal of the day. It was also when I made a conscious decision to start having more fun and go out there and live that YOLO best life. A decision that made 2018 one of the best years so far!

Bday Brunch

2. I got to see my most favorite kids from Akron (Lebron James obvi..no offense if you are one of my friends from Akron, I still love you just as much) playing in Denver. At the time I was hoping, wishing, praying, it wouldn’t be my last time getting to see him play in CAVS wine and gold, but alas it was. I hate to break it to you Bron, but purple and yellow will never look as good as wine and gold. Just sayin! PS I miss you and please come back!!

3. OMG I went on my first dates since losing my hair and my first dates using a dating app. This will for sure be its own blog entry at another time. Yes, it was awkward, hilarious, fun, and wayyyy outside of my comfort bubble as expected. I went on two dates with two different dudes and didn’t go on a single other date after that. Baby steps people, baby steps.

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4. This is a sad one. I had to say goodbye to my little kitty Jasper. I got him in 2009, and he traveled with me from Ohio to Denver. He was my #1 sidekick through all of the rough times, the good times, and everything in between. Saying goodbye to him was one of THE HARSDEST things I ever had to do. I miss you every single day my little buddy.

5. Got my first Shuly wig!! This is my 3rd human hair wig since losing all of my hair, and it is hands down my most favorite. The hair quality is amazing and it is everything I’ve wanted in a wig and more. If I was a baller shot caller, you better believe I’d fly my butt to NYC to get a dozen more. But one will have to do for now 😊

Snapseed
6. Took my first trip to NASHVegas to celebrate my BFF Heather’s Bachelorette weekend!! The trip was a total blast!! I literally don’t understand how college kids in Nashville can graduate. How can you choose studying over all of the other fun things to do out there?! Props to you if you’ve done it. This trip was interesting because it was my first time having girlfriends see me first thing in the morning…no hair…no makeup….full bald…eyebrowless Supriya. Straight up ET phone home alien mode. I had MAJOR anxiety about it the entire trip, but everyone there made it so easy me. Pro tip–if you want to know how to make peace with alopecia, find yourself a strong AF girl squad who will give you all of the confidence in the world!

7. TAYLOR SWIFT. Yes, I am a 35 year old Swifty. Yes, I jumped all of these verified fan hoops to secure my place in the ticket line. Let me tell you, it was all WORTH it. I don’t know about you, but I was feeling 22 that night!

8. Had another family reunion in Siesta Key. 900000% humidity is worth it for fun vacations with the fam!

9. I moved on up! Literally. I moved up one floor into a new renovated apartment that I LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVE! Thank you renovations, target, and hobby lobby for making my girlie decorating dreams come true.

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10. After 6 months of being pet free, I adopted a tiny little kitten and named him Neville Longbottom! He is the cutest, funniest, craziest wild man of a cat. Everyday he makes me laugh and he is currently curled up next to me while I type this blog. I may suck at relationships, but man am I great at being a cat mom.

11. Last, but not least, I started this BLOG!!! After months and months of feeling unfilled with life, of feeling like the world was going to shit and I was doing nothing to contribute to society, I decided to get off my overly anxious butt and do something about it. Here I am sharing my story with family, friends, and strangers, all while making new alopecia friends every single day. I cant wait to see what this blog will bring me in the New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!! Hope you all are safe, have fun, and drink lots of Pedialyte. Nobody wants to start a new year with a new hangover. Am I right? Talk to you in 2019 boos!!

Baldie Boo

Adventures of an Alopecian